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Behind
the Scenes of an Application
Sara*
was applying to university in the United States. See how our
consultant takes you step-by-step through her application and
shows you how she got accepted!
Program
applied to: University
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My
Initial Comments: Like many high school
graduates, Sara first came into my office
accompanied by her mother. For the first few
meetings her mother did most of the talking, telling
me how important it was for Sara to attend a good
university in the United States. Recommended by a
friend, she wanted to be absolutely certain that the
application was handled properly so that Sara's
chances of being accepted were good. At the same
time, she was concerned about her youngest daughter
alone in a foreign country. r
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Her
background: Throughout these initial meetings, Sara
herself was quiet. It was only after her mother felt
comfortable allowing her daughter to come to the interviews
alone that the student confided her personal reasons for
wanting to attend college in the United States. Looking over
her application, I could see that she was a top student who
was was easily capable of passing the rigorous university
entrance examinations in Taiwan, so I knew that fear of
failure in Taiwan was not her reason for applying to the
United States. Sara not only excelled academically, but
she was an accomplished athlete who had been selected by the
varsity swim team. She was also a talented painter.
What
were her reasons for wanting to study in the United States?
She told us that she felt that Taiwan was becoming too
familiar - she wanted to see the world. Sara wanted new
challenges, such as meeting other students from around the
world. But most of all, she wanted to be independent from her
parents and their constant scrutiny. She was tired of having
to fulfill her parents expectations, and wanted to be in an
environment where she could develop her interests and talents.
From
our conversations, it was evident that underneath her timid
facade was an independent thinker with passion and drive. This
made the greatest impression on me, not her many academic and
athletic accomplishments. I really believed that if these
qualities caught my attention - considering the many clients I
see each year- then they would catch the attention of the
admissions committee.
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What
was our strategy? I advised Sara not to focus too
heavily on her accomplishments when writing her
personal statement, since they were easily
identifiable in other application document. Instead, I
encouraged her to focus on her reasons for wanting to
study abroad, since they were sure to distinguish her
from the other applicants.
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Writing
the Personal Statement:
After
researching different writing approaches she could use for her
Personal Statement, we decided that Sara should write about
herself in the third person. This would make her essay
read more like a historical account. I had heard her
mother call her "Hsiao-Yu", which means "Little
Fish" in English. It was a cute, endearing
nickname, which coincidentally was the same nickname I had
gave my own daughter. I suggested she use this nickname
to describe herself in her essay, expressing her eagerness to
leave her little pond and reach the oceans beyond. By
telling this story, her eagerness to leave her home and
explore the world would be presented in an interesting way..
The
result was a concise Personal Statement that describes her
reasons for wanting to study abroad, personal values, and
unique characteristics. The third person narrative
is very unconventional approach, but effective. Please read a
sample of this Personal Statement to see how this little fish
will make a splash in a big pond!
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