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MBA essay databank

Example for all kinds of document

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To give you an example of the editing services that we provide, the following is a "sample essay" provided to us by a typical student.  You will see our corrected version, as well as the original document submitted by this student.  We believe that you can definitely see a great improvement in our version.

(ORIGINAL)

Stimulated by the experience of several summer jobs as well as the business knowledge I acquired in the college, I decided to devote myself in the field of marketing and finance. My ultimate goal is to become an outstanding and professional manager.  To get well prepared for this goal, my career plan works in two folds: practical summer job and coursework.  During my years in college, I show consistent and strong interests in marketing and finance.  I took several business, finance and marketing courses in college. For example: business administration, financial management, international market, money and banking, cost benefit analysis and so on.  These interests inspire me to pursue the career of a successful manager.

In order to get training in both professional and non-professional aspects, I spent several summers working in different commercial firms.  In which, I was able to apply the knowledge I learned.  Those practical experiences always drove me to reevaluate my ultimate goal, essential adjustments have been made to my career plan when I got some practical experiences in each summer jobs.  In addition, I have always participated in extra-curricular activities.  In the past years, I served as an acting committee member for several different projects of the Student Society of Public Finance (SSPF) in ABC University.  Both my organizational and interpersonal skills have been significantly improved by leading and working whit those projects.  Moreover, I learned to deal with people from different levels, such as commercial companies, students, faculty members and alumni.  I am highly motivated to learn and to devote myself to my ultimate career job.  With a lot of confidence and motivation, as well as deliberate planning, I am confident to achieve my goal in the very near future.  If I am given a chance to work with the team in the ZZZ.  I am preparing to support and contribute to the team with my professional knowledge and skills.  It could be one of the greatest experiences in my career if I have a chance to work with a highly organized team in this perfectly developed company.

Since I was very young, I have been very hardworking and determined.  Therefore, I got accepted by the Taipei First Girl's High School and later by the Department of Public Finance in ABC.  I joined three different clubs during my studies in ABC.  Among them I served as committee member for the SSPE and I got involved in organizing several big projects.  Most of them involved the participation of more than 300 people.  These included welcome parties, welcome camps; farewell parties, bowling competitions, and Finance weeks.  Having participated in organizing these activities, I earned a lot of experience in several different aspects such as managing, organizing, planning, and interpersonal skills; and making the right decision in strained situations, and under very high pressure.  In addition, I deeply realized the importance of working as a team, and enjoyed sharing my ideas with other intelligent and stimulating partners in the team. Particularly working with partners who have very similar goals and believes.

Each summer vacation, I worked in different companies to gain a global experience.  My first summer job was working as an assistant stock underwriter in the YYY Bank.  I was involved in the underwrite of stocks, information desk, and internal functions.  My second summer job, was an assistant for Professor John Doe .  I was responsible for typing lecture notes and exam papers; phone operating and information desk consulting. My third summer job was a managing assistant for XXX Educational Institution.  I was the leader of the phone-recruitment group and responsible for managing and monitoring the work progress of part-time recruitment assistants.  This is first time I have been involved in managing people.  In those summer jobs, I was involved in different aspects of work, from information desk, internal general affairs to managing people.  I strongly believe that exploring to different levels of work may help me to cooperate and supervise people more efficiently in the future.

I have an outgoing and optimistic character, and good interpersonal skills.  I am highly motivated and eager to participate in new tasks and challenges.  Due to the fact that I have very strong self-fulfillment and self-commitment needs, I am very careful and deliberate when I commit to a job.  With more experience gained and working in a good team, I believe that I will be able to become more sophisticated in taking various challenges and making the right decisions.  In addition to my professional knowledge, I am always trying to improve myself in different manners.  I am computer literate, and I acquire my computer skills through autodidactic trial and error.  Furthermore, I always read several Chinese and English business magazines as a way to improve my business knowledge and follow the current business trends.

Overall, as I am very confident in myself and always plan for a deliberate career.  I deeply believe that I am well prepared to accept any challenging offer.  Noticeably, I am competitive enough to undertake any challenge if I am given a chance by ZZZ.

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(REVISED)

In the modern world, young individuals like myself have the ability to choose many different career interests.  Some fancy a job in creative pursuits like art, and others prefer to entertain entrepreneurial pursuits.  In fact, the choices are so large and numerous that it is often difficult for young people to make this important decision.  I am much different from most people because I have already decided upon a career in marketing and business finance.  How have I developed these interests?  The answer is quite simple: prior internships and my university education.

It was most probably my four-year college education which first sparked my interests in business.  At that time, I was exposed to courses such as money and banking, and international marketing.  I truly enjoyed all of the courses which I attended at ABC University. And, my GPA proved that I had both the talent and the interest to do exceedingly well in this curriculum.  Furthermore, my participation in student run activities such as the Student Society of Public Finance (SSPF) allowed me to network with like-minded students and faculty.  Our after-class discussions and group meetings proved to me that this was a career which I was very interested in pursuing.

During summer vacations, I actively took part in internship programs sponsored by my university.  The very first of which was a position with YYY Bank where I served as an assistant stock underwriter.  My job included many different functions such as staffing the information desk, performing internal functions, and assisting in the Department of Underwriting.  For the first time in my life, I had a true understanding of the daily work schedule and the expectations of a professional employed by a financial banking institution. This experience opened my eyes to the lifestyle which I could expect in this sort of career.

The second internship program that I joined was that of a research assistant for Professor John Doe who was a professor at our university. I was responsible for collecting data, writing summary documents, and helping this professor prepare for upcoming lectures to be delivered in the next academic year.  Later, in my third internship, I worked as a managing assistant for the XXX Educational Institution.  My duty was managing the operations of part time employees and other assistants.  This was a very important duty for me as it gave me executive privileges such as managing as staff of 10 individuals and supervising the operations of our office. 

While my professional experience has been diverse and extensive, I still believe that the strongest aspect of my application is my prior education.  I say this because I have always been a high academic achiever with a strong performance both in elementary and secondary education.  For instance, I was admitted into Taipei First Girl's High School which is the most competitive program in Taipei, Taiwan.  Later, my strong grades and my performance on the college entrance examination were good enough to gain me a seta within the Department of Public Finance at ABC University.  Such a position within a competitive university definitely showed my academic promise and my diligent study.

Throughout my four years in college, I had an interest in participating in student activities as well as class-room learning.  One such activity which I took part in was the Student Society of Public Finance (SSPF) which comprised more than 300 individuals.  I was an executive member of this organization where I directed events such as lectures, seminars, our department's academic journal, as well as group outings.  My duties within this organization included managing our budget, supervising the actions of volunteers, and making preparations with regards to facilities and transportation.  For me, this extracurricular involvement was very important because it was the very first time in which I was able to act as a manager!

Personally, I feel that I am an individual which very good communication skills and the necessary leadership ability to motivate a large group of subordinates.  For proof of this I refer to my executive work with SSPF and my final internship with the XXX Educational Institution.  With regard to the other skills which I posses, I am very good at computer skills and have experience with the most commonly programming and database programs used by offices.  Additionally, I am fluent in both my native Chinese as well as English. 

In conclusion, I truly believe that the attendance of a two-year MBA program at your university will be the best way for me to prepare for a career in business marketing and finance.  I will once again find myself in an academic environment filled with exciting course work and stimulating professors and fellow classmates; I will have more opportunities to undertake satisfying summer internship programs; and I will have the credentials to enter a top ranked multinational firm in Asia.  Considering all of these benefits, I am quite certain that the MBA will be strong step towards achieving the future career which I desire.

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