Editing Sample

To give you an example of our editing services, the following is a sample essay submitted by a typical political science student. You will see the student's original essay followed by our edited version. 

The "Before" Version

In 1996 I graduated from the dept. of Political Science at ABC University. Through the four years of training in political science, I have become especially interested in political development, political economy, and the current increasing popularity of political democratization. Now I am planning to study for a master's degree (and eventually a Ph.D.) in political science. I believe that the strong faculty and healthy research environment of your department make it my best choice.

My motivation to continue my studies is partly because of my personal interests and partly for my country.  Since I was little I was endlessly curious about the unstable politics of the Third World, and I am most interested in the relationship between these countries' economic development and democratization and how they handle ethnic conflicts. In addition, because my country, Taiwan, got on the third wave of democratization, is now entering the phase of democratic consolidation, but still faces many challenges (such as unclarity in the constitution, ethnic conflicts between mainlanders and native Taiwanese, and severe political corruption), I hope to learn the knowledge that will help me to make Taiwan into a fully healthy democracy. I want to work to improve my country.

During my four years at ABC, I took courses in "Economics", "Statistics," "Theory of Democratic Politics", "Comparative Government", "Political Development" and "Political Economy."  I am very proud of the fact that in most of these classes my grades ranked number one in my class.  I was not satisfied with this, however .  Because of my strong sense of curiosity, I continued to read widely about the Third World, especially about the political democratization in Latin America and the political-economic development in Southeast Asia.  In addition, in my spare time I like to go to the Periodicals Room of the library to read journals like Comparative Politics, Journal of Democracy, World Politics, and so on.  From the articles contained in their pages I gathered the most up-to-date research information.  In sum, most of my life as a student was spent in the library.  However, I am not really a bookworm, because at the same time I served as the president of the Chinese Drama Association on campus. I acted in many productions and received food reviews.

From July to December 1996, I worked as a research assistant for Professor John Harvey on a project entitled "East Asian Democratization and Economic Development. "This research proposed that there was not a direct cause-and-effect relationship between economic development and democratization, but that there was the influence of an intermediary variable-"political and economic strategic structures."Using regressive analysis and four individual East Asian cases (South Korea, Taiwan, Thailand, and the Philippines), we investigated the role that political and economic strategy structures played in political in political democratization and development.

In my future studies in graduate school, I would like to concentrate in the following three areas: (1) political economy (2) political democratization (3) research in ethnic conflict. In addition, I can also contribute to classroom discussions by my research on Taiwan's democratization.

After completing my graduate studies, I will return to Taiwan pursue a career in teaching and research.  I will also use what I have learned to provide the government with suggestions on policy and devote my efforts on behalf of Taiwan's democracy.

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Our Revised Version

As the blossoming of democracy in Taiwan occurs, It is my intention to pursue a master's degree in political development at your esteemed university.  I look forward to a career in civil service and my role in a democratic Taiwan. I have been interested in this subject for much of my life as demonstrated by my undergraduate studies at the Department of Political Science at ABC University in Taiwan.  This is the top rated political science department within my nation; it is largely a training ground for our nation's leading government officials and executive policy makers.

  My interests in politics generally correspond with the "third wave" of democracy, which has spread through my country of Taiwan.  In some respects, this country has demonstrated many of the same conflicts and the tensions which have been exhibited by other developing countries in Latin America and Asia.  We have struggled with the very same issues of economic development, ethnic conflict, and the transition from an authoritarian government to a democratic one.  Presently our nation faces a period of consolidation in which we will have to resolve differences such as our outdated constitution, the rights of indigenous peoples and our mainland Chinese residents, and years of political corruption.  These challenges await my country.  It is my ambition to become a policy maker and an academic who can lead my country on the path of harmonious development.

My academic record is outstanding; I was the top student in my graduating class at ABC University.  I did especially well in courses such as "Theory of Democratic Politics" and "Comparative Government", because I had a deep curiosity about these subjects.  As a student, I also made use of English-language journals to keep abreast of political developments in other developing countries in Asia, Africa, and Latin America.  My outside study made me one of the best contributors to my department, and it also gave me the research background to do exceedingly well in all of my courses.  Of course, I was also interested in other student activities such as our local Chinese Drama Association.  I assisted in many productions and performed as an actor in many student-run productions.

The most valuable experience during my four years of college occurred from July to December of 1996. At this time, I was a research assistant for Professor John Harvey on a project entitled "East Asian Democratization and Economic Development".  Some of the theories, which this work purported, were the direct cause-and-effect relationship between economic development and democratization; but we also included the use of intermediary variables such as "political and economic strategic structures".  We used regressive analysis and analyzed four East Asian countries as models (South Korea, Taiwan, Thailand, and the Philippines).  I truly enjoyed this 6-month project because I was able to work closely with one of my academic mentors, and it taught me the research skills that I would need later in my graduate studies.

The topics that I would like to pursue in your program are 1) political economy, 2) political democratization, and 3) research into ethnic conflict. In my opinion, these are the three most important subjects currently facing the population of Taiwan. When I complete my studies in your program, I have every intention of returning to my native country and beginning my work either as a researcher, a professor, or a civil servant. In the long term, I would like to contribute my findings for the betterment of our society and possible changes to our existing foreign and domestic policy.  In summary, I feel that overseas study in your program will give me both the research tools and the academic credentials to undertake such important work.